When I got home that night as my wife served dinner,
I held her hand and said, I've
got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly.
Again I observed the
hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth.
But I had to let her know what I
was thinking. I want a divorce.
I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words,
instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry.
She threw away the chopsticks and
shouted at me, you are not a man! That night,
we didn't talk to each other.
She
was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out
what had happened to our marriage.
But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer;
she had lost my heart to
Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement
which stated that she
could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces.
The woman who had spent ten
years of her life with me had become a stranger.
I felt sorry for her wasted
time, resources and energy but I could not take back
what I had said for I
loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me,
which was what I
had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release.
The idea of
divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed
to be firmer and clearer
now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found
her writing something at the
table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep
and fell asleep very
fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing.
I just did not care
so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions:
she didn't want anything
from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce.
She requested that in
that one month we both struggle to live as normal a
life as possible. Her
reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a
month's time and she didn't
want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more,
she asked me to recall
how I had carried her into out bridal room on
our wedding day.
She requested that every day for the month's duration
I carry her out of our
bedroom to the front door every morning. I thought
she was going crazy. Just to
make our last days together bearable I accepted
her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. .
She laughed loudly and
thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies,
she has to face the
divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since
my divorce intention was
explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on
the first day, we both
appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy
is holding mommy in his arms.
His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom
to the sitting room,
then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms.
She closed her
eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce.
I nodded, feeling
somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work.
I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily.
She leaned on my chest. I
could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized
that I hadn't looked at
this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she
was not young any more.
There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was
graying! Our marriage had
taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered
what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense
of intimacy returning.
This was the woman who had given ten
years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense
of intimacy was growing
again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became
easier to carry her as the
month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout
made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning.
She tried on quite a few dresses but
could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed,
all my dresses have grown
bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin,
that was the reason why
I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and
bitterness in her heart.
Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's
time to carry mom out. To
him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had
become an essential part of
his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer
and hugged him tightly. I
turned my face away because I was afraid I might
change my mind at this last
minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from
the bedroom, through the
sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded
my neck softly and naturally.
I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day,
when I held her in my
arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school.
I held her tightly
and said, I hadn't noticed that our life
lacked intimacy.
I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly
without locking the door. I
was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...
I walked upstairs. Jane
opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane,
I do not want the divorce
anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched
my forehead. Do you have a
fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head.
Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't
divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because
she and I didn't value
the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other
anymore. Now I
realize that since I carried her into my home on our
wedding day I am supposed
to hold her until death do us apart.
Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap
and then slammed the
door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and
drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of
flowers for my wife. The
salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled
and wrote, I'll carry
you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile
on my face, I run up
stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was
so busy with Jane to even
notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted
to save me from the
whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we
push through with the
divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son---
I'm a loving husband....
The small details of your lives are what really matter in
a relationship. It is
not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank.
These create an
environment conducive for happiness but cannot give
happiness in themselves. So
find time to be your spouse's friend and do those
little things for each other
that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.
If you do, you just might save a marriage
Many of life's failures are people who did not
realize how close
they were to success when they gave up.
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